Thanks for the Memory - Week 3
News we brought you which was almost unbelievable!
Below we remind you of some of the April Fool jokes we have published or considered publishing over the years. All good for a laugh! We hope you agree.
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Going for Gold!
THE LATEST SPOOF: This was to suggest that Head Ping Pong, a variant of table tennis but using your head instead of a bat, was to become a new Olympic Sport at Tokyo in 2020. We revealed that Bishop Monkton had got a head start by recruiting a team of headers, including one octogenarian, who were keen on 'Going for Gold' The video we ran revealed the new game is a gentle, relaxed and slow moving activity ideal for pensioners!
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Putting our playing field to new use!
AN EARLY SPOOF: Not long after we'd moved into the new Village Hall and were making new use of the playing field, we set the cat among the pigeons by suggesting that the playing field was being turned into a vineyard and the hall into a winery showing it full of barrels. Only one or two teetotallers disapproved of this idea!
Picklng will soon be under way
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Barrel storrage area.
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Grapes of wrath
A future 'Burgundy of The North'?
Climate change, despite it causing devastating floods, fires and calamities round the world, has been identified as having at least one minor beneficial attribute - the spread of warmer weather to more of northerly Britain. This, wine experts say, could mean a spread in areas where grapes can be grown and the emergence of new wine production regions. They suggest this could fit in with the Government's twin current objectives to encourage 'growth' and 'levelling up'. The report singles out areas where it believes this exciting new opportunity might occur, and includes Bishop Monkton (North Yorkshire) as one of these areas. The village Playing Fields have been identified as a particularly promising terroir for the pinot noir variety, and already secretly unused fringes of the ground have been planted with a semi-mature grape variety imported from Burgundy. It is hoped that if they prosper by the autumn a small crop could be harvested and, if successful, larger areas of the playing field could be planted out. These, we are told, could involve fringes of the cricket and croquet lawns being utilised. The Village Hall could also be used to mature and store wine in barrels. A spokesman for the newly formed UK Wine Development Ministry commented: ' We have high hopes that Bishop Monkton could one day soon become the Burgundy of the North of England'. Some local objection to be scheme may be forthcoming. Objections should be sent to WDS/PN/APRIL1FOOL not later than 2 April 2023.
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Magical properties of water in our beck!
A WONDER ELIXIR: This spoof suggested that experts had discovered that the water in our beck contained just the right components to produce an amazing health promoting, youth enhancing and beauty guaranteeing wine. Here we show a picture of the Bishop Monkton Elixir de Beck which was to be marketed world wide (price £4.99). The idea never got off the ground!
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Gondola rides on our beck
BEING TAKEN FOR A RIDE: The idea of offering gondola rides on our beck to summer visitors was a very popular notion. There would be commercial opportunities for setting up kiosks along the bank selling pizzas, pasta and Neopolitan ice creams. Villagers with Italian ancestry were to be given priority in the rush to fill the half dozen gondolier positions. Sadly some villagers thought they were being taken for a ride with these ideas so the idea was shelved. Sad!
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A multi storey car park idea
PIE IN THE SKY! Here is a suggested way to overcome the problem of overcrowding on the existing car park at the Village Hall. The entry point to the multi-story car park is on the left. The cost of parking for two hours was to be a modest £20. Somehow the idea did not get overwhelming support from the village. Too much pie in the sky, they complained!
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A bit of Irish baloney
THE IRISH ANGLE: This was when there was talk of building an Irish Ford on Boroughbridge Road to overcome the occasional risk of flooding. In the end there was no Irish Ford - and none of these alternative ideas took off either!
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We are grateful to Zillah Horner who contributed many of the ideas for these spoofs, using her combined skills of artist and photo image manipulator.
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